how am i suppose to feel right now.

Imagine seeing each other for 4 years, 5 days a week and now,
we don't get to see each other at all..
awkward and sad feeling, with no doubt i miss you all..
i miss the laughter, the fights, mostly the lame jokes,
yes,
it's irritating

but that's what makes you so real.

not perfect but real.
we had our differences maybe that's why we click so well.
now, everyone around you currently is fighting for the same dream as you.
it's too frightening to trust once again.

trust to me last time was like training wheels now it's like without the training part,
i'm left alone. i'm scared.

my best friend left me, i'm scared to be left alone again. it's really scary..
i don't know, feeling afraid wasn't what i had in mind.
i've been putting on a strong front for 4 freaking years and finally i just broke down.
what is a hopeless girl suppose to do.

it was all i had.

i'm closing down my blog soon..
i haven't been blogging.. i think i'll remake my blog.. i'm disowning this blog :(

i'm scared
i'm not sure if i wanna blog.
i'm afraid to offend people, really.
i'm sorry but i'm just gonna say it.

i miss you alot, we've been the best of friends for 3 years. why did you just leave like that. i feel like a lost dog. i'm really heart broken. i just think that you should come to your senses. i love you as my best friend but what am i to you. just a doll that can entertain you for a minute and be placed aside just like that, when you found something else. i don't know.
others say that they already predicted that you would leave me, official they were proven right recently.. you care less now, you don't care about your family and friends anymore. i regret too many things, i wish i hadn't encourage you. you've found your true love but you lost oh so much... like your, family and your friends.
do you remember saying that you can live without him and that you still have your family and friends to live your life for. do you still remember the promise you've made. you promise not to do anything stupid because of him. i guess you've forgotten.
the only thing you can remember is him.
i guess your anniversary with him would be oh so much more worth and important then celebrating my birthday with me. you promised to celebrate my birthday this year, has that promise been forgotten too.
these words i've just written was something i have kept for oh so long in my heart.
i had to gather all my guts to write it down, after you read this, nothing will change, right. you'll just ignore this, right.
you'd just pretend like you've not seen this, right. well,let me tell you this carine, i was the one with you when you cried and needed someone there and easily you've forgotten me.
well all i gotta say is... well, i don't know what else to say. it's just that i'm sorry, sorry for reasons you think i shouldn't be sorry for (in the past)...
if sorry would make my best friend come back. i would bow in front of you, to do so, in front of million of people. i would just throw my pride away to have my old best friend back.
i don't know what's worth anymore.

here i go again..

it's been a long time since i blog
i think i want to start again.. blogging let me express..
hahas, now new life in new school. new friends, new environment.
this time it's not fun and games anymore..
i'm studying for my future.
slacking for my future too... hehe.
i'm glad i've made friends, they are one crazy bunch of friends
who i love and adore so much... they are worth keeping, seriously.
i feel like i wanna run away from this school that i'm in.
too many distractions, can't concentrate...
2 years is 10% of my life that's what my lecturer says..
he is very naggy but still his nagginess reminds me so much of mr tang.
i wonder how's doing? hopefully fine!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss the school and him
so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm going crazy....
schools tiring me out, no. actually i'm tiring myself out cause i do stuff
really really last minute. oh boy, i got scolding for that too... it was a
wake up call.. seriously what teachers in sec school say about leaving the sheltering walls were right. you have to walk alone. it's really cold
sometimes but you have to bare with it. no matter what..
i'm enjoying every moment i have with the people around me now cause i'm
scared to regret later on... i badly want to go out with my sec school friends
again but sometimes somethings just reminded me why i stayed away from them
previously... i hope to see them again someday!!!!!!!!

let hem play!

this litlle boy is the bomb di-ga-dee bomb. he is only 2 but oh so cute, love him..
rock on! i saw him on youtube. man, he is cute! so young and yet he can rock the guitar well! i'm really digging his mumbling now. lols.

korea-crazy twins!!!

i love it when you chase after me for letters
and go crazy over stuff that we love.
i love that i don't have to please you in anyway.
i feel i can be myself around you. i wish we
could be closer earlier. i will miss you and
your madness over the littlest thing that we love.
i am really happy to have known both of
you. Despite all the previous fights happening in
class i still will miss you both.
i know you guys won't change, at least i hope you
don't but just lessen on the hating and the madness
please, we all need to learn how to love, man.
i wish you two the best and forever more.

to: val & vee <3

ps: go on loving kpop and gossip girl...

to all my loves

is holidays supposed to be this boring...
it's really my last holiday in my secondary school life and yet it feels like i am going to cry really. tears of boredom! next year, i have to go back to square one, ('hello, i'm nur and you are?') i'm honestly really scared. i really don't know what my future holds.. i'm scared to be judged without even saying a word. i just want to crawl in my bed each day, doing nothing. seriously, this world i am in, right now is a total mess!!!!!!!!!! i wanna work hard but again the word 'scared' has it all written on my freaking face. people like me would love to ignore tons of stuff and be sheltered at home where i know hurt can never come near me. outside those brown wooden closed door lives a scary world where i know i can't avoid any longer..
it doesn't mean that once i opened that door, i'm walking alone.

to all my loves, my friends.
for all the years we've been together was the best years of my life, that i can promise you.

thanks for showing the care and concern that i needed, i will never forget you. i won't look at you and look away, i promise. i will smile and say 'hi'. i know i have said a lot of hurtful things to you. sorry. let's just say i wasn't using my brain.
i'm sorry for putting tears to your eyes with those thoughtless and harmful words.
i'd love to say sorry for all of the stupid things i've done to you.

i'm scared to loose you my friends, again the word 'scared' is used.

i hope i don't do the same mistake that i did in the past to all my other friends in the future.

-to the people, i hanged out with after cambridged and also carine and christine.
i love you all..

.heartbeat.

d'moon!!!!!!!!!!

must watch, for those who are a dbsk fan.